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29 February 2012 @ 02:42 am
So I'm back.

It has been quite the while...but Meg kind of convinced me to get back on here and give it another shot.

Thing is I'm not so good anymore about writing my thoughts down, I kind of just hang on day to day for dear life.

You know, I've noticed something about getting older. The older you get, the more afraid you get. Afraid you'll lose your job, afraid you won't be able to pay rent or keep the lights on...afraid of failure.

I feel like such a failure all the time. Even when I'm doing well I feel like a failure. Isn't that fucked up? Like I could be doing more, but I don't know how. I see my peers, and they're all doing so well. I mean, I know they have problems..but for Christ's sake...I can't even go buy a new car my credit is so bad. I'll be 30 in November and I don't have a solid career yet. Isn't that pathetic? These thoughts go through my head on a daily basis...and I have no good solutions to any of these problems.

I don't want to make this journal into a daily bitchfest...but if I have to I will. Hell, it's my journal anyway.

I'm scared I won't find a new job before April...or even if I don't get that...I'm scared my unemployment won't go through. I know I keep saying that I'm glad to be away from Jay Roy...but I really wish he wasn't such a dick so I still had my job. Because this is probably the most scared I have been in a very long time. I have this sick feeling in my stomach almost all day.

I need a job very badly.

I'm getting depressed but I can't show it because I don't want to upset Meg. She's got enough on her mind. But I can't help but feel like we're right back where we were in New York and Ohio.

I'll write more tomorrow....or sometime. I plan to make this a regular thing.
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: The fan running
30 June 2007 @ 09:12 pm

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